Mother Nature needs her beauty sleep

Dear MN (cuz we're tight like that),
I think you may be a bit confused. Today is May 8th. A Saturday. In Spring.

THAT MEANS IT SHOULD NOT BE 48 DEGREES OUTSIDE!

Get your act together, woman!!

Sincerely,
A cranky, innocent bystander

Best. Week. Ever.

::cue scene. Sunday night. 1:30 am. Finn comes in to tell mommy she's thirsty. Mommy gives her water, since that's what mommies are for. To nourish and quench thirst of little spawns. In hindsight, not the best idea. 2:15 am: Mommy awakens to pukish-type sounds and crying. Youngest not so used to throwing up. She no likey.::

Monday morning: Finnley puking = no school for Finn
Tuesday: Fever spikes in youngest spawn. Luckily, youngest wants to lay in bed all day long.
Wednesday: Finn still down for the count. Most awesome part of the day? Getting a phone call from the school nurse, telling me that Josephine puked in the cafeteria. Ossum. Oddest part is that oldest wants to keep eating. Even though she keeps puking it up. Rationalizing with a six year old? Not working so well. Telling her she can't eat? Also not working so well.
Thursday: Both children home from school. Finn starting to feel better, evident in usual sisterly torment of older (now sick) sibling. Mid-morning crisis of wanting to kill husband for giving youngest orange juice. Youngest then proceeds to spew ACIDIC orange juice vomit all over kitchen floor. And cabinets. And wall. Best part of THIS day? Cleaning off the WALL, when Finn couldn't get her entire butt on the potty in time, later in the afternoon. Even more Ossum than Wednesday's puking in the cafeteria fiasco.
Thursday night: Mommala enjoys a bottle of wine.

Wowzas.

Ears are ringing.....

The oldest had two friends over after school today. It's math time everybody!!

Jos + Finn + 2 more 1st graders = LOTS OF SCREEETCHING AND LOUD VOICES

Wow. Mama's gonna need a drink tonight.

Also, I'm having visions of what their jr. high sleepovers will be like. I'm scared.

Nice, swift punch to the throat....

What?!?!

It's a totally healthy thought to have.

Having a hard time finding that perfect card? I'm your woman!

I'm thinking random thoughts may just be the way to go for me on this blog, since the voices in my head are so freakin' funny. Problem is when they start talking while I'm driving and it gets hard to focus and I wind up riding up on a curb, and then the girls start cheering since they think it's like a roller coaster but the old woman behind me starts honking and at the stoplight I get out to flip her the bird, since I MAY have run up on the curb, but at least I can push the gas pedal hard enough to get my car up to the speed limit and when I get home I tell Bunny that someone must have hit the car in the parking lot, but he doesn't believe it since the scratches are on the hubcap and then I put some of my sweet ass moves on him and he forgets all about it.

With me still?

Today, most of my thoughts were about someecards. Particularly, someecards for Father's Day. And even more specifically, someecards for Father's Day, for a stepdad who isn't really a part of your life*. **

Examples:

Sincere, but not commital in any way:
"Happy Father's Day, Stepdad. Thanks for being a man, married to my mom, who is in no way influential in my life."

I think this one says, hey, I choose to block out this aspect of your relationship, since I'd have to stab my eyes with forks if I thought about it, but I'm cool enough to acknowledge it happens:
"Happy Father's Day, Stepdad. Thanks for having sex with my mom."


I always think cards with just a hint of sarcasm are the most heartfelt:
"Happy Father's Day, Stepdad. Because of your amazing guidance, I've decided to never have children."


*I am NOT talking about my Stepdad. He rocks. I <3 him muy mucho.
** I saw the little sidenotes stars here: http://www.jennepper.com/ She's hilarious and I pretty much want to make out with her and carry her around in my purse.

Our Easter bunny smokes crack, but it tastes like carrots

So, I took the little ladies to Church on Easter Sunday and since the Easter bunny in our house decided to go out drinking on Saturday night, he was given strict instruction to hide baskets and Easter eggs while we were gone.

I couldn't figure out why hubs was cracking himself up once the girls started hunting for eggs. No worries, I figured it out. I'll get there, relax. I need to think of a good nickname for him. Hubs is silly and the rest of what I call him is just not appropriate for the internets. Maybe I'll start calling him my sweet Easter bunny, or SEB for short.

I digress. SEB is sitting in the kitchen, laughing at the creepy voices in his head, while the girls are searching for their baskets. The littlest spawn comes running in with a handful of plastic eggs and starts opening them up. The final one she opens (the biggest, which she saved for last), has inside it, skittles, a clementine orange and a pickle. Well, SEB pretty much lost it at that point. See, internets? He's funny. This is what I live with.

Our Easter bunny smokes crack.

Lots to do! (007/365)

Busy weekend and the last day of Theme: Words.

Day: Sunday, 02/21

Theme: Words